The Very Interesting John Dobbs Interview

Okay, so John Dobbs is just way too humble. The only way I could get him to ever answer the following questions despite his constant “I’m not interesting” and “No one will want to read about me” excuses was to bet him more people would read his interview than did those of either Jeremy Hoover or John Alan Turner. They had plenty of views, but I convinced John that more people would read his interview and if they did not, I’d buy him a slice of pie at the Village Inn in Tulsa during the Tulsa Workshop.

Well, read on, enjoy and comment away at the end of this interview to prove to John you read all of his very interesting words.

John, where do you preach and how long have you been ministering at your present congregation?

I am the preacher for the Forsythe Church of Christ in Monroe, LA. In February we finished seven years with this church. Year eight straight ahead!

Was there anything in particular about the Forsythe family which made your choice to move to Monroe from beautiful Mississippi a bit more easier?

I think there were a lot of factors. We had been in Pascagoula, MS with the wonderful Central Church of Christ for 16 years. We still have dear friends there and their current minister Aubrey Watson is doing an amazing job of outreaching into the community. There was an exceptional set of circumstances that led to the youth minister at the time (Jason Barnard) calling me to ask if I would consider coming to Monroe. One of those was the health of my wife’s parents. We would be 3 hours away instead of 6.5 hours. Her father has since passed away and her mother’s health is very much diminished and so I’m glad we are closer. But I must say that the warmth of the Forsythe Church of Christ was so attractive. The idea of living in a bigger city, but not a huge city, was attractive. We just liked everything about our visit and conversations with this beautiful church. They received us so well. Little did we know that within a few months of my start with the ministry here we would lose our 18 year old son. As was said soon thereafter, perhaps we did not come here to minister to them…but for them to minister to us. The amazing comfort, expressions of support, and love we felt during that devastating time has made an eternal impression on our hearts.

After many years of preaching at Forsythe, what would members say they love best about your ministerial style?

Oh .. maybe I don’t want to know what they would say! I can only hope that they would say that I have been a grace-full minister for them, preaching a message of the grace of God and treating them with grace and not judgment. I hope they would say that I was compassionate but not intrusive. I hope they would say that I was “one of them” … and not aloof. And I hope they would say that I challenged them to deeper discipleship and service, which when I do so I am also challenging myself.

What are the most difficult and gratifying parts of a life in ministry?

Difficult. I think the most difficult part of life in ministry is realizing that we can do so much more if all of us worked together in using our talents and gifts … but life has us pulled in so many different directions. I have heard the analogy of ‘herding cats’ … but that seems like the cats are unwilling. I think we are willing, but we are so overly obligated and the church is a very small part of our activity schedule. It’s easy for me to say… the church IS my life. So I recognize that. And I have no children living at home, so I don’t have those demands. I do not criticize it, but just recognize it. I truly work among some of the most talented and gifted people I’ve ever known. They do some amazing things for God – many of them in secret. But being the preacher I hear about them. I expect that for the things I do hear about, there are many that I never hear about. So … “difficult” might not be the right word. Challenging. When I think of ‘difficult’ I think I’m not a good ‘pastor’… I can pass for a good preacher … but I often let the preaching demands overshadow the pastoring needs.

Gratifying. When someone expresses that something I said or did helped them in their Christian walk. When I have opportunity to pray with a hurting person. When I can help someone find their way to God. When I see leaders in the church being influential in the lives of others. When I notice God is at work…and then remember that He’s been at work all along when I didn’t notice.

How do you stay refreshed as a minister when the burnout rate for those in full-time ministry is extremely high?

I connect with a lot of other ministers in environments where it is ok to get things off your chest. I have close friends that I can talk to when I’m discouraged or feeling low. I used to take two-three day retreats and I haven’t done that in a long time …but I think it helped me when I did that. I continually try to lay my high expectations in God’s hands and realize that the work I do does not always have visible results. Sometimes when exhausted I just shut down for a few days and read and pray. But I have to guard against doing that for too long. I can be a natural hermit … so I have to get out around other people and get recharged from their encouragement.

You are not only a preacher, but you are a world famous blogger. If my memory serves me correct, you won an award a few years ago for being the best Christian blogger in the world, is that right?

Well, yes. When Theobloggers was in business they had the ‘first annual’ blogger awards and somehow a few people voted for me and no one else was paying attention so I won. Unfortunately there was never a ‘second annual’ and I remain the sole winner of that award! There was a great dinner and get together in Tulsa during the Tulsa Workshop (http://tulsaworkshop.org) … but it snowed, and a lot of people didn’t make it … and the power was out… so I think there might have been some divine disapproval there.

Did that award lead to great things in your life, i.e. more accolades, fame, fortune?

So far, none of those things. But you never know what the future holds! Perhaps I’m yet to be discovered. Or… have been discovered and discarded!

You are a prolific blogger and many people may want to follow in your footsteps, I actually learned about you as I began blogging years ago. I needed someone to emulate and found you. What tips would you give beginning Christian bloggers or bloggers in general?

I didn’t know that you were looking at my blog years ago! Thanks! I continue to blog because it is cathartic to me. I do not have a vast readership, but I’m glad when someone leaves a comment. I’m afraid that Facebook has stolen much of what blogging was once upon a time. It used to truly be a “web log” of daily thoughts and events … the kinds of things we throw up onto Facebook every 5 minutes these days. It was an interesting way to keep up with people you liked – much like Facebook. But I still do it. If I was going to give some advice I would offer what I’ve heard any number of times from others:

(1) Post at least three times per week
(2) Engage with anyone who responds
(3) Follow, Read, and link to other bloggers, commenting on their posts
(4) Don’t expect to be the next great mega blog, in spite of your brilliance.
(5) Do it for you, and other like-minded people will find you and enjoy it.

Your blog is titled Out Here Hope Remains. How did you arrive at that name?

Yes, when I first started the current blog (there were a couple of failed attempts along the way) our youth minister was Joel Jordan. The Ocean Springs youth minister was Steve Martin. Steve and Joel and I were talking about the blog. Initially we were going to take turns posting, but I don’t think that ever materialized. But it was Joel who came up with the name Out Here Hope Remains from a Caedmon’s Call lyric in a song called 40 Acres (http://www.caedmonscall.com). I liked it and it has resonated with me throughout the years. Although I didn’t ask permission to use it. Maybe they won’t sue me.

What should readers expect to see when they visit Out Here Hope Remains? Bible lessons? Devotional thoughts? Lots of ads? Posts about coffee and bacon? Negativity? Positivity? Tell us a little bit about your writings and the purpose of your blog.

I attempt to post about a variety of things. There will be lots of reflections on the Bible and the church. I enjoy trying my hand at humor sometimes (though sometimes people don’t get that it was supposed to be funny!). There should be no ads, although I do link to Amazon Kindle books. I get a (very) small kickback from them if someone buys a book and I use that to sometimes sponsor a book giveaway to commenters. However, that does not generate a lot of comments … so it’s probably not the most productive idea. I hope that negativity is not found, unless it is negativity toward sin! I do write a lot about grief due to our experiences. I like to write about prayer which is both a challenge and an area in which I have sensed some growth. I desire to encourage, bring a smile, and offer hope.

I read on the church website that you are available to do a four part seminar called Acquainted with Grief. After learning more about you through your blog, tweets and Facebook posts, I know your family has dealt personally with the grief of losing a loving son. Can you share any stories on how God has made 2nd Corinthians 1:3-4 a reality in your life?

Thanks for asking. Yes. I have been able to do that seminar at a few churches. I have found that grief is not something people like to talk about – no one wants to think about losing a loved one. Yet I don’t know of a day that I’ve opened a newspaper and seen an empty obit column. So grief is a common experience but one we like to ignore. Unfortunately when it happens to you there is no option to ‘ignore’. I never would have known or thought this but losing my son of 18 years and my stepdad of 28 years, both in 2008, has given me opportunity to talk to and share the burden of grief with many others. Through GriefShare (http://griefshare.org) and The Compassionate Friends (http://www.compassionatefriends.org) I have discovered a world of hurting people reaching out for help. I don’t know that I can help them but I believe God moves through the effort to hear, listen nonjudgmentally, expression of care, and walking with someone who is hurting. I will confess I’d rather have my son back and not know about all of this. But since I will not have that privilege until the New Heavens and New Earth … I will help my fellow travelers.

Do a lot of people try ignore grief? If that happens, what kind of negative effects can come about because of that?

Ignoring grief, sometimes expressed as ‘stuffing’ it all inward, is so dangerous. Grief is not an option. If you suffer a significant loss you will experience grief. Not in stages … not in some prescribed protocol … but in your own experience and way. If you choose not to address it, it will cause you greater pain for longer periods of time. It can lead to physical illness, loss of relationships, incapability to work. It can lead to addictive behaviors through substance abuse to try to numb the pain. We do not like to talk about ‘moving on’ but moving ‘through’ grief. The best thing I heard early on in our experience is: It doesn’t always hurt like it does right now. It took a few years for that to become true. I know some people can seem to work through the grief process alone, but I am of the opinion that everyone would do better in a community of experienced bereaved people. I especially think so when it is a specific loss. For example, Compassionate Friends is for people who have lost a child, grandchild or sibling. In that group if you want to talk about the painful loss of your grandmother – you will get a blank stare. You are supposed to outlive your grandmother. The loss of a child has no comparison. Griefshare is more general and there you can talk about your grandmother, aunt, or even just a good friend you lost. There are support groups for those who have lost infants and those who have had family and friends die of suicide. I think the more specific the better.

Can you provide our readers with 3-4 very good books on grief you highly recommend?

Hard question! I have read many books on grief and have many more on my ‘to read’ shelf (which happens to be all of my shelves!). I found that the more I read grief books, I saw similar patterns and thoughts in most of them. Like the support groups I mentioned, the more specific the book deals with your own kind of loss, the better. I have a page on my blog with several writings to be found on the internet and then several books that can be bought on Amazon (http://johndobbs.com/some-writings-on-grief). Three or four that I can recommend that helped me:

The Shack was controversial for some. Due to the sudden nature of our loss, it was a beautiful expression of hope for me. I gained a lot out of that … and knowing that John Robert had already read it due to Sarah Barton mentioning it at Tulsa Workshop one year, gave me added incentive to read and receive from it.

Through A Season of Grief is excellent. This can be bought as a book, but you an also go to the GriefShare website and sign up to receive it free of charge via one email per day for a year. That is what I recommend. The brief daily readings are just the right size for hurting hearts.

Life After the Death of My Son by Dennis Apple was very helpful for me.

I also thought that Max Lucado’s You’ll Get Through This, though not about grief in specific, was so encouraging and faith-filled.

Paul O’Rears book Living With a Broken Heart was meaningful … especially to those who lose a child to cancer.

A Grief Unveiled Fifteen Years Later is so insightful. The family experiences the death of a child and the father writes a book about their loss. Then, 15 years later, comes back and edits it a bit and adds a chapter from each of the siblings. Siblings are often the forgotten mourners in the loss of a child. The reflections of the brothers and sisters moved me.

I think women would particularly like Alice J. Wisler’s Geting out of Bed in the Morning. I thought it was brilliant.

There are many more but that’s already more than you asked for! Go to GriefShare and work through the workbook. It’s great.

What is one of the first things you plan to do with John Robert when you arrive in heaven, other than give him a great big bear hug?

Oh I have so many questions for him. I hope God didn’t let him see my mistakes and errors … got to live up to my image of preacher dad you know! You know, Brian, I felt so guilty about this that I wouldn’t express it. It took an older more mature brother to help me. I heard Jim McGuiggan at Tulsa Workshop a few years ago talk about his grief at losing longtime wife Ethel. He said he did want to see Jesus and all the heroes of faith, but he desired to see his Ethel first. I felt that way but thought it less than godly to say it. So it blessed me … and the truth is I want to see John Robert first, then the Lord who made that possible. I expect, though, that all of our earthly concerns will fade in the glory of that place.

Even though you’re quite transparent on social media and in your blogging, the following is a quick list of favorites. Elaborate on any if you wish.

Dogs or cats? Dogs! Cats make me sneeze.

Coffee or tea? Coffee, but as I age I’m having to do decaf more, don’t tell anybody.

Beaches or swamps? Ugh Neither. We lived on the Coast when Katrina roared ashore putting three feet of sea water in our house. The beach came to see me. I don’t have any desire to go see the beach! But my wife loves the beach, I love the mountains. God is so funny pairing us up with opposites!

Duck hunting or fishing? Reading. My brother is the hunter/fisher/taxedermist/trapper – he got it all. I am a jinx at fishing, but I would probably do that ahead of hunting. I’m not anti-gun, but guns scare me because I do not have any training in using them.

Leave it to Beaver or Dennis the Menace? Gilligan. I’m not being very cooperative am I?

Favorite foreign destination you’d like to visit? I don’t have a ‘bucket list’ but if I did the first thing on it would be to visit Sydney, Australia and worship at Hillsong Church. Their music has blessed me for so many years and I love to hear their preacher. I don’t like to fly, so this one seems unlikely.

Tulsa Workshop / ACU Summit / Pepperdine Lectures? I have never been to ACU. I went to Pepperdine once and I was sick while there (so that colors my experience). A sick fat boy trodding up and down those steps to get to anything … well…it wasn’t happy for me. I did like driving down the pacific highway to get there and back. On the other hand I’ve been going to Tulsa for about 30 years…so I’m all-in for Tulsa Workshop.

Favorite book? I guess we will stipulate the Bible. I find it hard to pick one. I think The Shack was the most profound for me because of the timing and subject matter of it. I cried all the way through it. Right now I’m reading The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins – about half way through it. Also Food: A Love Story by the hilarious Jim Gaffigan. I just got Tony Evans’ The Kingdom Agenda and look forward to that. I’m a great book starter…but I do not have much grace with them. If they run out of steam in the middle, I’m out of there!

Favorite movie? I loved The Others with Nicole Kidman. I think I can sing every song in Grease (though I edit some of the lyrics), having watched it many many times. And all of the Star Trek (original cast) and Star Wars movies.

Favorite 70s rock band? It’s a tie between The Eagles and Fleetwood Mac

Ice cream or pie? Pie!

Thanks John for the time you spent answering all these questions.